Becoming More Centered is Easier Than You Think

The answer is right under your nose

Kaia Maeve


black and white headshot of a lady with long dark hair, and prominent freckles standing in front of an outdoor hedge of white flowers with her head cocked to the right, and her eyes looking straight at you.
Photo by Richard Jaimes on Unsplash

Oh no! You did it again!

Fell into the trap of people-pleasing, to your own detriment, and agreed to do something you didn’t really want to do. All because (subconsciously) you just wanted the person who asked you to be happy.


How does this happen to you all the time? Why do you expect yourself to center others while at the same time subconsciously marginalizing nearly all of your own needs, desires, and pleasures?

You aren’t alone.

This is a systemic phenomenon.

My hope is to shine a light on some of what’s happening here, and muse a bit on how we can begin to reverse the pathological trend of living life at the margins of our own reality.

So why are we taught to marginalize ourselves?

Somewhere in our modern personal OS, we picked up a few lines of rogue code. It seems designed to shunt us into behavior that simply doesn’t align with our truest inner desires.

It almost feels like we’ve been programmed with a social code with built-in privilege hiding in plain sight. Or maybe built-in self-destruction, depending on which way you look at it.

To make it even more maddening, we’ve also been programmed into thinking this behavior is all our own damn fault. We must just not know how to express ourselves, our desires, or our needs effectively.

We’re constantly told that our value is only defined in relation to those around us. In a zero-sum world, we’re told we are always either winning or losing power.

We’re told, we just need to “get clear,” and “ask the world for what we want.” To “stop embracing the victim’s mindset.”


The reality of this “subconscious marginalization of self with a guilt trip” is that it comes from a long history of hierarchical privilege thinking that’s baked into our socialization over and over again.

Most people have been taught, for generations, that it’s more important to serve the needs of…



Kaia Maeve

Woman, Mother, Wife, Priestess of the Dirt, Striker of Keys & Queen Bee of the #TechHippies. I write essays & poems about coming back home to self. #onelove