Member-only story
If You Give Your Butt a Chair
They’re going to ask for an armrest.
If you give your butt a chair, they’re going to ask for an armrest.
When you give them the armrest, they'll probably ask you for a lumbar cushion.
When they’re comfy, they'll ask you for a footrest too.
Then they’ll want to look in a mirror to make sure they aren’t slowly being morphed into the shape of their comfy chair.
When they look in the mirror, they might notice they’re looking bloated and lethargic from sitting way too much.
So they’ll probably ask you for help finding the right 30 day Instagram Fitness Butt Blaster Challenge.
When they’re finished doing 10,000 squats in 30 days, they’re going to need a massage to restore their original gluteal capacities.
They’ll start getting massages.
They might get carried away and sign up for massages, chiropractic, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation classes. With memberships!
They may even end up getting certified to teach as well!
When they’re done, they’ll probably want to take a nap.
You’ll have to fix up a little spot for them with a blanket and pillow.
