I’m Breaking Up With the Patriarchy

This old story of fear, control, and disconnection is SO over!

Kaia Maeve


Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash

Hating the patriarchy doesn’t mean the same thing as hating or blaming men.

Breaking up with this pathological domination hierarchy we call the patriarchy is a much bigger story. And we can all do it if we want to. Don’t you?

But doesn’t Patriarchy mean “rule of the father?”

Yes, and No. Let’s talk about the nuance here.

Men are as much the victims of this system we colloquially call the patriarchy as women. Women have just been further down the ladder of dominance, and have more obviously lived as slaves to its pathological power dynamic.

But masculinity got just as fractured as femininity when the myth of human control over the life force was brought into our common ethos.

I’m not saying this to protect men’s tender feelings either. I just want to put the blame squarely where it belongs.

And I want to address the response I get from good men all the time when I try to explain this nuance. No, you — individual man who’s doing your best — are not specifically to blame. But that doesn’t mean you get to ignore what this system that puts men above women as a general rule has done to all of us.

Myopically gazing at your own attempts to live an egalitarian lifestyle as a man is just like a white person saying racism isn’t real because you — individual white person — do not feel that you are a racist.

Are men free of responsibility for having historically been the peak perpetrators of the patriarchy?

No. Not by a long shot.

The fact is that men have been trained to subconsciously act as the top enforcers of this fucked up system, it’s true.

But most of them don’t even really realize what they’re doing when they do the dirty work. It’s buried so deeply in their subconscious that they can’t see it. Most men have become so disconnected from the mysterious truth of being that they don’t know what they don’t know.

It’s a Systemic Thing! So stop arguing with me. Please.



Kaia Maeve

Woman, Mother, Wife, Priestess of the Dirt, Striker of Keys & Queen Bee of the #TechHippies. I write essays & poems about coming back home to self. #onelove