It's definitely not a black and white thing, this approaching someone you like and seeing if they're into you. I definitely can see how a thinking human could get confused if they're the initially interested party.

I think the difference boils down to clarity of intention.

If you approach someone with the extractive mindset of wondering what you might get out of the situation... If you pretend to like someone for who they are, but then get all butt-hurt if they don't want to give you what you want - you're definitely heading for the "friend zone," which as Ossiana mentioned is just a socially acceptable way for women to say a soft NO to romantic advances they don't want. The stealth extractive approach is a hard fail.

And really... women should just say, I'm not interested in you. Please go away. But there are millions of reasons why we don't. Fear of and adverse reaction to rejection is the main one. And adverse reactions vary from hurt feelings to murderous rage.

But if you like someone, maybe you woo and court them. You make your intentions clear from the get go that you find them attractive AND you'd like to get to know them - that's a much clearer signal. A woman who knows where you're coming from, and entertains your respectful presence should know what she's getting into. You should be able to TELL if she's into you or not, and therefore if you should continue to pursue a closer situation. If you get the yes signals, go forward. If you don't - maybe politely sign off and try to find connection elsewhere.

I guess if I could boil it down to a two word comparision, it'd be "ASK," don't "EXPECT."

Great comment, btw.