This is fascinating, and probably very true in many cases. I can think of one close friend who has had a similar experience.

I’m not poly, but I am in an open relationship. My husband and I talked about this on our very first date - 13 years ago. The funny thing about how we set it up is that we have rarely involved others sexually in our relationship. There have been a few memorable and well loved instances, but those are few and far between.

Openness, as we’ve defined it, means keeping our own connection to both our root and our inspiration. We are “allowed” to find others attractive and often share stories of our attractions to each other. But most of the time, that’s as far as it goes. Cue the hot sex and deepening relationship.

I feel the moral of your story. But I think any open relationship is only as strong as it’s setup and execution. It IS possible, but it’s a rare bird from what I’ve seen.